Motivating Teenagers: What Can We Do to Get Them Off the Couch and Put Down Their Gadgets

First and foremost, motivation is unique to each individual. It’s an internal drive, a desire to do something or achieve something. This is why parental nagging or coercion might force a teenager to complete specific tasks—like doing homework or studying for exams—but it won’t increase their motivation. A child isn’t a machine executing parental commands from people who "know what’s best for them." And given teenagers’ prickly nature and their urge to challenge authority to assert themselves, some methods to motivate them might not only fail but also provoke resistance.

Avoid Using These Common Tactics, for Example:

-- "Nagging." Don’t repeat daily remarks like, "Go for a run already—it’s so good for you, the weather’s perfect, and you’re not moving at all..." A teenager might resist doing something simply because they’re being pressured, even if they’d otherwise enjoy it.

-- Emotional Pressure: "I’m begging you, for my sake, sign up for prep courses—I’m so worried about you, look how my blood pressure’s spiking!" Sometimes, emotional blackmail might force a teenager to comply, but they’ll lose their sense of agency. Compelled to fulfill others’ wishes, they’re unlikely to achieve good results and may grow accustomed to yielding to manipulation.

-- Belittling and Humiliation: "Are you going to mooch off me forever?" "Dancing isn’t a real career!" "Why don’t you meet a nice boy? I’ll never get grandkids from someone so spineless!" Such remarks from an important figure can shatter a sensitive teen’s self-esteem, frustrate or anger them—but not motivate them.

-- Predicting a Gloomy Future: "If you don’t study properly, you’ll end up as a janitor!" These clichéd prophecies don’t sound convincing to teenagers.

-- Promises of Rewards: "Finish the year without Cs, and you’ll get a new laptop." "Get into college, and we’ll buy you an apartment." This substitutes goals—after all, the teen doesn’t need good grades or college admission for the sake of material rewards.

-- And, of course, violence—physical or emotional—is completely unacceptable, including direct insults, cruel mockery, yelling, or tears. This can destroy a teen’s self-confidence ("I’m good for nothing") and make them feel they can’t rely on loved ones.

So What Can We Do to Inspire and Support Teenagers Without Crushing Their Will?

-- Figure out the root of your child’s inactivity. They might simply be exhausted—worn out by school and overwhelmed by your demands. Or perhaps, while lying on the couch, they’re trying to understand themselves and figure out what they want—this requires introspection and time. Sometimes, anxiety drains their energy and focus. It’s also possible that their apathy is a protest against parental pressure: "Get up and do something!" Ask yourself: Would you feel motivated if forced to act?

-- Support their energy and create favorable conditions for activity. Let them rest—don’t fill all their free time with tutors and extracurriculars. Ensure they get enough sleep and eat balanced meals regularly. If academic or social stress is overwhelming, consider arranging a talk with a psychologist. And, if possible, avoid burdening them with your worries or extra tasks during tough times.

-- Make the process you want to motivate them for enjoyable. This is possible even with "dull" subjects like math or science. Watch educational videos together, set up a home lab for fun experiments, or turn problem-solving into a competition. The key is for the teen to feel like a willing participant, not a prisoner chained to a desk. A comfortable environment helps too—help them create a cozy workspace with stylish supplies, or offer coffee breaks with their favorite snacks.

Consider the "retreat effect"—a temporary escape from routine. For example, suggest a study session at a quiet library or a weekend study trip with a friend.

Teach them to reward themselves for completed tasks, and don’t interfere. Studied for an hour? Fifteen minutes of gaming is fair. Started jogging daily? A half-hour scroll through social media afterward is fine. These small rewards help them stay self-motivated.

Most importantly, avoid making the activity feel like a punishment or a tedious chore.

-- Subtly inspire them to achieve results. Teens already grasp that careers, relationships, health, and appearance matter. But their still-developing brains struggle to connect present actions with future outcomes. Plus, they lack life experience—and aren’t keen to rely on parental wisdom, as this is a time of re-evaluating their parents’ authority and seeking independence.

What can parents do? Talk to them about their interests, not your own experiences. Show genuine curiosity about their role models, gently encouraging them to strive without giving up.

Help them create a "roadmap" for their goals—whether it’s music or language learning. Ask where they see themselves in 5, 10, or 20 years. Make an inspiring vision board to revisit when they feel like quitting. Don’t guilt-trip ("After all that effort, you’re giving up?"). Instead, ask, "Look what inspired you before. Do you still want this? Let’s keep going—I’ll support you. If not, it’s time to rethink."

Highlight their achievements—display medals, certificates, or creative works in their room. Seek support from other trusted adults, like teachers or coaches. A casual compliment from someone they respect can motivate more than a year of parental lectures: "Want to be a designer? Great! You should take drawing classes—here’s a good course."

Remember, motivation comes from interest in the process and desire for the outcome. We only pour our energy into what excites us. Don’t stifle your teen’s potential—support their aspirations, boost their confidence, and the arrow you launch will surely hit its mark.