Never Say "Never!" – The Dangers of Absolute Judgments and Statements

By "categorical thinking," we mean an uncompromising certainty in one's own rightness, thinking in terms of rigid templates like "good vs. bad," "right vs. wrong," and "black vs. white." Categorical statements can include declarations like "I never get offended or angry," as well as vows—"I will never let myself be deceived again," "I will never eat borscht again"—or sweeping generalizations like "all men cheat," "you're always late," or confident "verdicts" such as "this director only makes bad movies" or "anyone who likes this is an idiot."

At first glance, we all have the right to our own decisions, beliefs, and opinions. But in reality, such categorical judgments and statements can seriously harm us in life.

The Dangers of Excessive Rigidity:

• Oversimplifying the world, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and prejudices ("They're all like that," "the only right way is this"). Those who are overly rigid struggle to think critically or change their minds even in the face of objective facts and arguments. Categorical people often rely on stereotypes and dogmas, or the opinions of authorities who are not always competent or objective. Dividing everything—phenomena, people, and things—into rigid categories like "good vs. bad" or "right vs. wrong" leads to errors in judgment.
• Denying alternative outcomes, lacking adaptability, making poor decisions ("This will never happen," "it always happens this way"). Categorical people often resist broadening their horizons, restructuring their thinking, or adjusting their behavior as circumstances change. Narrow-mindedness, limited choices, an inability to consider situational nuances, and a rejection of compromises can lead to missed opportunities and regrets. Reality, repeatedly failing to meet our expectations, fosters disappointment in ourselves and the world, negative and pessimistic thinking, loss of motivation, and damaged self-esteem.
• Stunting growth and development ("I will never be able to…", "I will never again…"). Particularly harmful to personal growth are absolute negative beliefs that we reinforce in our minds by repeating: "I will never…" or "I refuse to ever…" Such statements create psychological barriers to change, growth, achieving goals, and realizing our potential.
• Damaging relationships ("You don’t understand anything!", "your favorite music is trash!"). Categorical statements—whether harsh and aggressive or condescending and dismissive—neglect reasoning and dismiss the other person’s perspective. As a result, they hinder constructive dialogue, provoke misunderstandings and conflicts, and lead to broken relationships. It is especially dangerous to say things like "you’re good for nothing" to children, loved ones (who deeply value your opinion), or any impressionable people.

Why Are We Prone to Rigidity, Even When It Harms Us?

By nature, people seek certainty, clarity, and confidence—it makes life feel safer. Categorical thinking also allows our brains to conserve energy by avoiding individual judgments about every single thing. That’s why it’s easier to say "they’re all like that" instead of engaging critical thinking.

Sometimes, people use rigidity to mask deep insecurity or incompetence, trying to protect their ego, defend their stance, or bolster their authority. Highly egocentric individuals—those who are emotionally immature or self-centered—are often rigid, caring only about their own opinions.

• Avoid labeling, generalizations, and excessive evaluation—focus more on reasoning. Describing a situation is usually more helpful than passing judgment. Saying "he’s a complete idiot" spreads negativity, whereas "he let me down, and now I find it hard to trust him; I need to rethink our relationship" gives you control and options. Instead of declaring, "this trendy book is boring nonsense," try, "I don’t understand the message of this book"—you might uncover what others appreciate in it.
• Develop critical thinking. Don’t take claims at face value—question them respectfully, engage in debates, ask clarifying questions, and gather information from multiple sources. Analyze your beliefs and recognize biases. Ask yourself why you think a certain way and whether other viewpoints or possibilities exist. Without questioning "common truths" and authorities, without experimenting or taking risks, it’s hard to make scientific discoveries, succeed in business, create art, or set sports records.
• Learn to admit mistakes and being wrong. They help us gain experience, grow, and improve. Changing your mind in light of strong arguments is not weakness—it’s a sign of self-development and adaptability. Focus on positive aspects and new opportunities.
• Expand your horizons, develop intellect, explore new things, don’t suppress imagination, and embrace interesting challenges. Don’t rule out opportunities or relationships—as the world changes, so do we: our preferences, beliefs, dreams, goals, opinions, and tastes.
• Avoid programming yourself for failure with negative beliefs. Replace "I can’t" with "I can try, I can learn, I can improve, I can succeed." Nurture positivity by acknowledging every achievement.
• Stay flexible, open-minded, and adaptable—practice mindfulness and empathy. Don’t fixate on your own interpretation—consider situations from multiple angles to make informed, productive decisions. Acknowledge diverse opinions and experiences, respect differing viewpoints, understand their origins, and seek compromise.
• Avoid disrespectful, absolute statements that may sound like commands, insults, or lectures. Instead of saying, "Sugar is poison, don’t you dare!", frame it as friendly advice: "I’ve read that excess sugar harms health in these ways…"

Avoid generalizations, insulting others’ tastes, and overusing words like "always," "never," "absolutely," "nonsense," or phrases like "there’s nothing to discuss," "that’s impossible," "everyone knows…," "you’re wrong, period." Use softer phrasing: "I think…," "perhaps it’s not quite like that…," "in my opinion…" etc. By abandoning the need to "win" an argument, you may gain the other person’s respect and trust—often far more valuable.

If someone close to you tends to make categorical statements without reasoning or imposes their views, you can either accept it or limit contact—especially if they aggressively cross boundaries or insult you. You can’t change an adult, but if they want to improve, suggest therapy or family counseling.

Remember, nothing in life is absolutely certain—it’s dynamic and full of surprises. Current circumstances will inevitably change, and our task is to be ready so we’re not caught off guard. This doesn’t mean living in fear of disasters or waiting for triumphs—it means staying open to adjusting plans, embracing new perspectives, ideas, and experiences. What seems impossible or undesirable today may change tomorrow.

Avoid rigidity, don’t rule out possibilities, give the world second chances, and stay optimistic. Maybe the director you dismissed as untalented has grown and will make your future favorite film. And most importantly, don’t sentence yourself with thoughts like "I’ll never…" or "I can’t possibly…" Allow yourself to change, grow, and carve your unique path in life.