"Complex and scary" feelings – how to learn to open up and grow closer

Feelings are an integral part of human life. They may seem confusing and complex, they may frighten us, make us anxious or ashamed. But all these feelings, both positive and negative, are equally important to us. They help us understand our needs, defend ourselves, grow, experience the fullness of existence, and build close relationships. For others to understand, accept, and support us, we must give them the opportunity to do so—by opening up, expressing, and verbalizing our feelings. This can not only help us unload emotional burdens and inner tension but also deepen our connections with others.

Why it can be difficult to understand, accept, and express our feelings

– "I don’t understand what I’m feeling," "I can’t express it"

Sometimes, we simply can’t identify our feelings and emotions, especially if we’re not used to tracking them, haven’t learned to distinguish them, or aren’t ready to acknowledge and name them. If we don’t understand what’s troubling us, if we can’t break down our storm of emotions into parts—we won’t be able to express our feelings in words.

– "I don’t want to show weakness," "my feelings don’t matter"

Many of us learned early on that feelings can be "right" or "wrong," especially if parents often said things like "boys don’t cry" and "girls don’t get angry," reinforcing social stereotypes. No better is the ingrained habit of ignoring our feelings: "Don’t worry, it’s nothing," "Is that even a problem?" It’s no surprise that when such children grow up, they subconsciously feel ashamed of their emotions, try to hide them, or ignore them. Often, behind a smiling mask of "everything’s fine," there’s a storm of destructive feelings.

– "No one will understand me anyway," "what if they judge me or laugh at me?"

Fear of rejection is one of the most powerful fears, especially for those who weren’t accepted for who they were as children. Many grow up believing they’re not good enough, that something’s wrong with them, that love must be "earned," that they’ll never measure up to "mom’s friend’s son," that their dreams are meaningless and ridiculous. And so, many fear that if they show their "true selves," they won’t be understood, will be laughed at, or judged. Because of this fear, many feelings remain unspoken—even the warmest and brightest ones. Sometimes, it’s hard to even give someone a compliment or tell loved ones we love them. Some choose loneliness just to avoid vulnerability.

It’s important to understand that by opening up about our feelings, we free ourselves from the burden of loneliness, show our humanity and sincerity, and our trust—which can encourage others to trust and open up to us as well.

How can we learn to open up about our feelings—to understand and express them without fear?

• Identify the negative beliefs affecting you, if necessary—with the help of a psychologist or therapist who can work through past experiences, overcome fears, and soften overly rigid personal boundaries.
• Practice mindfulness—learn to notice what’s happening within you, focus on the present moment and your feelings "here and now." Frequently ask yourself: "What am I feeling?" "How can I express this?"
• Start by honestly verbalizing your feelings to yourself—this will make it easier to open up to others: "I’m so happy," "I’m in so much pain." By analyzing and voicing our feelings, we better understand what we truly need, what we want, and what we don’t.
• Create a safe space. If opening up to others feels unfamiliar and scary, start with those you trust—understanding loved ones or a qualified professional.
• Learn to recognize what lies behind your feelings, what truly triggers your fear, anger, anxiety, envy, and so on. Often, it’s similar situations or the same people—a psychologist can help untangle these negative patterns.
• Learn not to suppress your feelings but to experience them. Forget that you "should" or "shouldn’t" feel something—there are no "bad" or "good" feelings. If you sweep fear or anger under the rug, they’ll only accumulate, poisoning your life. To let go of negative emotions, you must acknowledge and process them.
• Boost your self-esteem. Often, people struggle to open up due to low self-esteem, insecurity, or even self-hatred—these are especially hard to share. Don’t fixate on your flaws and mistakes. Remember that weaknesses can be overcome with effort, and mistakes are a vital part of life experience that helps us grow. Don’t forget your strengths. And let go of the idea that others are constantly judging you—most people are far more preoccupied with their own lives.
• Strengthen self-respect. Remember that your feelings matter, and you have every right to express them. Sincerity doesn’t make you weak or foolish—it shows strength and honesty. And if someone responds to your openness with judgment or mockery instead of understanding and support—consider whether that relationship is truly good for you.
• Learn to express feelings in a way that feels comfortable. If you’re reserved and introverted or simply not used to sharing emotions, you don’t have to force a dramatic confession—start small. Share how your day went with loved ones in the evening, discuss problems with a friend. Gradually, this will help you share deeper, more complex feelings, convey your beliefs, views, and motivations—resolving misunderstandings, preventing conflicts, and strengthening bonds. Don’t forget to listen attentively and empathetically—this builds trust between you and the other person.
• Practice openness on social media. Of course, this doesn’t mean sharing confidential personal details with strangers. But writing a blog post about your favorite movie, dish, or band is perfectly fine. This practice helps you learn to articulate thoughts clearly, overcome discomfort and fear, and find like-minded people with similar interests.

Remember that feelings are nothing to be ashamed or afraid of—they’re not weaknesses to hide. Our feelings make us who we are, shape our character, beliefs, and unique personality, and guide our life’s path. Open, honest expression of emotions helps maintain psychological balance, understand ourselves better, and recognize our needs and desires. Sharing emotions brings us closer to others, helps us find support, and build sincere, deep, harmonious, and lasting relationships.