Constructive Feedback – How to Give and Receive It

Types of Feedback

Usually, we don’t just say or do something but also expect a response from others – an exchange of information and emotions. Unfortunately, feedback isn’t always useful, constructive, or appropriate.

Feedback can be demotivating and negative – at worst, it can be emotionally driven, unfounded criticism: "With grades like these, the only job you’ll get is sweeping the streets!" The complete absence of feedback can also demotivate or even create conflict, as it may signal indifference, inattentiveness, or dissatisfaction.

Motivating, positive feedback is praise, ideally well-reasoned: "Your cooking keeps getting better; dinner tonight was amazing!"

Finally, constructive, corrective feedback combines praise with suggestions for improvement: "A very insightful report, but I think shortening the introduction would make the main idea clearer."

The Purpose of Feedback

Many experts agree that people learn and develop better with positive reinforcement rather than negative, meaning praise works better than criticism. However, the most effective feedback is often not just motivating but constructive, as it can:

• help a person understand how they and their work are perceived by others;
• inspire and support a person, encouraging them to grow;
• help them correct mistakes, increase productivity, and improve skills;
• strengthen trust in relationships. Someone who only criticizes is unlikely to gain respect, while someone who only praises may be seen as inattentive or insincere. But a person who offers thoughtful criticism and honest praise will be trusted and respected.

Sometimes, a single harsh remark from parents, teachers, or bosses can shatter a person’s confidence and motivation. "You don’t have what it takes," "You’re wasting your time," "You’ll never succeed" – and someone might give up on their passion. Yet, the purpose of effective feedback is to help people grow, correct mistakes, improve skills, and achieve their goals.

How to Make Feedback Constructive and Effective?

– First, consider whether your interlocutor needs feedback. If you’re raising a child or managing an employee, constructive criticism is often necessary. But in personal interactions between adults, make sure the person is open to feedback and willing to work on themselves. Then, ask yourself why you want to say something. If your goal is to help – great. If not, it’s better not to start the conversation.

– Balance praise and criticism. Avoid starting with criticism – your interlocutor may become defensive and ignore both subsequent praise and your suggestions. Experts propose various feedback models, with one of the most famous being the "sandwich principle," where criticism is placed between positive comments:

• Praise to build confidence;
• Gentle but clear suggestions for improvement;
• A proposed action plan or solution;
• More encouraging praise.

For example: "Thanks for submitting the report on time, but these sections need adjustments. Overall, great job!" or "You’re such a great helper! Just be careful not to spill water when watering the plants – please wipe it up. Thanks for helping me; I really appreciate it."

The "sandwich principle" is a well-proven feedback model, but it should be used in moderation to avoid making the recipient suspicious – "This is great, but…" Also, avoid empty praise. Just like criticism, praise should be justified – it should inspire pride, not create false impressions. Most of the time, there’s something worth praising. For instance, even if you disliked a book, it might contain an interesting idea or beautiful illustrations. And progress, even if imperfect, always deserves recognition.

Additional Principles of Constructive Feedback:

• Focus on actions, not personality. Instead of "You’re terrible at presentations," say "This presentation could be improved."
• Be objective. Base feedback on observations and facts, not subjective judgments or emotions.
• Be timely. Address mistakes early, but delay feedback in emotionally charged situations.
• Be appropriate. Praise publicly, criticize privately. Also, criticism should come from someone competent in the subject.
• Be specific. Instead of "This book is bad," say "Interesting concept, but the plot logic and dialogue need work." Similarly, explain why you’re praising someone.
• Be respectful. Avoid arrogance and labels. Say "In my opinion, this movie is boring," not "This movie is boring."
• Be attentive. Listen to your interlocutor, ask questions, and offer support.

Remember the saying, "Don’t just criticize – offer solutions." If you have ideas for improvement, share them when appropriate, especially if asked.

Of course, constructive feedback must not only be given well but also received properly. To do this:

– Learn to distinguish useful feedback from emotional attacks or flattery. Consider the speaker’s motives. Neither envious critics nor overzealous fans can give objective opinions. If you want constructive feedback, seek a knowledgeable, caring critic or a professional like a psychologist or coach.

– Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback. Identify areas you care about (appearance, behavior, professionalism), rate them on a scale of 1-10, then ask trusted people for their input. This can reveal discrepancies between self-perception and outside views – we’re often our own harshest critics.

– Learn to accept deserved praise. Let it boost your self-esteem and motivation. Acknowledge your strengths and progress.

– Don’t take constructive criticism as a verdict. A mistake in one situation doesn’t define you. Stay calm, focus on the feedback, and use it to improve.

– Remember, change is your choice. If feedback targets a trait, decide whether to adjust it or accept it as part of who you are. For example, sharp communication can be softened, but slow-paced work habits may require understanding from others.

– Ask clarifying questions. Request examples or suggestions for improvement. Share additional context if needed.

– Thank people for constructive feedback. It shows you value their opinion, strengthens relationships, and builds your reputation as someone open to growth. External perspectives often highlight areas we can’t see ourselves.

Most importantly, be your own fair, caring, and constructive critic.