How to Overcome Nervousness Before an Important Event

Why Nervousness Occurs and Why It’s Dangerous

Nervousness is commonly understood as emotional agitation or intense worry that we feel when we perceive danger or when a situation is highly significant to us, and we await certainty to regain our footing. For example, one might feel this way before a wedding—a joyful yet nerve-wracking event. Sometimes, nervousness helps us recognize what is valuable and important to us, mobilizing us to overcome challenges. However, excessive nervousness can lead to various negative consequences:

• loss of focus and silly mistakes, fixation on negativity, and difficulty remembering information;
• apathy, a decline in energy and determination, procrastination, and avoidance of preparing for the important event;
• unpleasant physical symptoms: rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, sweating, dizziness—these symptoms combined can even trigger a full-blown panic attack.

Intense nervousness in high-stakes situations can stem from various causes, but the primary one is the fear of making a mistake, suffering, or failing, disappointing oneself and others—fear of being unwanted, unworthy, misunderstood, etc. Aggravating factors may include:

• past negative experiences that create fear of trying again;
• low self-esteem, which makes a person insecure, shy, and convinced they are "unworthy" of success;
• perfectionism, where a person expects flawless results and does not forgive mistakes;
• high expectations from others, whose pressure can amplify stress;
• lack of preparation, giving a person legitimate reasons to worry—a real chance of failing the challenge;
• time constraints and rushing, which can also be a major stress factor for many.

We struggle with uncertainty because it often feels threatening. To protect ourselves, we tend to imagine the worst-case scenarios, worry, doubt, and feel anxious. It may seem like we're losing control not just over the situation—but over our entire lives.

How to Cope with Strong Nervousness

To avoid tormenting yourself with nervousness before important events, consider the following expert advice:

• Don’t suppress your feelings. Tell yourself: "I’m nervous, and that’s okay." Verbalizing the situation engages rational thinking, weakening the emotional reactions that fuel anxiety. Reflect on the reasons behind your fears—are they caused by external circumstances, lack of preparation, or an overactive imagination? Think about what could ease your nervousness in each case.
• Assess the situation and its possible outcomes realistically. Often, our fears are exaggerated, and our predictions are overly pessimistic. Practice positive thinking. Mentally rehearse the upcoming event that scares you. Imagine yourself handling it calmly and successfully, envisioning a great day. For a negative outcome, prepare a backup plan so you know you can handle it—you always have alternatives.
• Prepare for important tasks in advance—this boosts self-confidence. Before an interview or meeting, research the necessary information and prepare answers to potential questions. Before a date, plan it out: think of topics to discuss to get to know the other person better and what you’d like to share—this reduces awkward silences. You could even visit the chosen café beforehand with friends to feel more at ease.
• Tackle problems as they arise. Even if the task is unpleasant, don’t delay—rushing later will only heighten nervousness. Break down preparation and the event itself into manageable steps. For example, decide what to wear, arrive early, rehearse your speech in front of a mirror, etc. This keeps you focused on the present rather than worrying about what’s ahead.
• Practice relaxation techniques. When nervous, avoid fidgeting. Deep, slow breathing (inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth) or progressive muscle relaxation (tensing and releasing muscles) can help. Focus fully on the exercise and your sensations. Physical activity, like a walk or workout, can also relieve tension—choose what works best for you.
• Distract yourself by shifting focus to something else. Listen to music while cleaning, chat with a friend, try a new recipe, visit a new place, take a relaxing bath with aromatic oils, read a book with herbal tea, nap, or simply sit somewhere cozy, close your eyes, and think of pleasant things.
• Take care of your physical comfort. Remember, nervousness often comes with physical symptoms. If you feel dizzy, sit down. If you sweat excessively, dress lightly and use a strong deodorant—this adds confidence. During a panic attack (rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath), splash cold water on your face to ground yourself, then do breathing exercises. If that’s impossible (e.g., in a doctor’s office), focus on an object or count tiles on the wall.

Also, avoid energy drinks before important events—they increase nervousness—and especially alcohol, which can impair well-being and cognitive function.

• Practice what makes you nervous, whether public speaking, socializing, or work tasks. Confidence comes with experience. If speaking to a crowd is uncomfortable, join a hobby group where you’ll enjoy sharing opinions. Over time, this builds positive experiences and reduces anxiety. After engaging in a book club, for example, you might find speaking to strangers less intimidating.
• Manage stress levels to face challenges in top form—limit social media and anxiety-inducing news, exercise regularly, eat well, rest, and get enough sleep, especially before the event.

If nervousness persists, disrupting your life, appetite, or sleep, seek professional help to understand the root of your anxiety and learn better stress management.

Remember, people are usually more concerned with their own affairs and how they’re perceived. Your nervousness may not be obvious to others—don’t overthink it. If appropriate, admit you’re a bit nervous with a warm smile—this shows sincerity, builds rapport, and fosters connection. Most people don’t wish for your failure; they want you to succeed.

Learn to anticipate joy rather than predict failure, trust your knowledge and experience, and channel nervous energy into thorough preparation for what matters to you.