Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): Why "The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side"

What provokes the development of the Fear of Missing Out

It might seem that we just want to "be in the know," achieve more, live brighter lives, take advantage of benefits – what's so bad about that? In ancient times, information was vital – knowing where to find food and where danger lurked increased a person's chances of survival. But nowadays, the information flow is almost continuous, and it's designed to hold our attention with sensational news, heated discussions, and promotional offers. Our brains simply can't cope with such volumes of information, and the feeling that we are missing out on a lot – important opportunities, profitable options, bright moments – becomes stronger.

The Fear of Missing Out can make us believe that we are wasting our lives, that our desires and daily joys are not enough. It devalues our efforts and successes, provokes envy and perpetual dissatisfaction with life: "missed the sales!", "everyone has been there, but I didn't have time", "everyone has seen it, but I haven't!" Spent Friday evening reading an interesting book? But your friends were at a party! Had a great vacation in Altai? But others have conquered Everest!

Often, those who demand a lot from themselves, as well as entrepreneurs and professionals in creative industries, who are forced to keep an eye on business opportunities, trends, and competitors, are susceptible to the fear of missing out. The Fear of Missing Out also has a particular impact on those who are dissatisfied with their lives, have not realized their ambitions, have not fulfilled their dreams, or have not built close relationships. Such people are especially acutely affected by the feeling that everyone around them, as it seems to them, lives a much brighter and more successful life.

That is, when experiencing the fear of missing out, we might actually:

• fear isolation, being cut off from other people and resources;
• worry that our life is not as "successful" as others', that we are living it "wrong";
• fall under the influence of others: "you need to be productive!", "you need to choose what's beneficial!";
• strive for novelty, for surges of pleasure hormones from stimulation by new posts and likes.

Why the Fear of Missing Out is dangerous

In a mild form, the Fear of Missing Out can motivate a person: "Others managed – so can I!", "I can do even better!". It's quite normal to imitate others in some ways, adopting the best; that's how people have learned since ancient times. A good example can inspire us to work on ourselves and our relationships, to improve our lives. But more often, a person forgets their own goals and is ready to grab at everything at once: "Others are traveling, following fashion, investing in stocks, reading popular books, mastering new recipes – I want that too!" Thus, our true desires are replaced by those of others, energy is spent on futile attempts to do everything at once, and dissatisfaction with oneself grows.

Sometimes, for fear of missing information about events and activities, sales and discounts, special offers, limited editions, profitable investments, trending news, fashion trends, challenges, and flash mobs, people may start monitoring social media and news feeds around the clock.

The consequences of such information overload are predictable:

• excessive tension of attention, increased anxiety and stress due to constant anticipation of new information;
• emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion, spending energy not on life tasks but on illusory busyness – constant news monitoring, perpetual "involvement";
• development of an addiction to social networks, which can negatively impact studies, work, and relationships with loved ones;
• sleep disturbances due to thoughts of "what did I miss?" and the habit of checking the internet in the evening for "five minutes," which turns into hours;
• replacement of internal guidelines and goals with external ones – what is fashionable or "beneficial," leading to forced choices, impulsive actions, and spending;
• destruction of the sense of uniqueness and value of one's own life, incessant envy towards those who "made it," chronic self-dissatisfaction, apathy and depressive thoughts, a sense of one's own inferiority, because no one can manage to do everything.

And sometimes, the Fear of Missing Out is accompanied by the fear of not making the best choice, the so-called FOBO syndrome (Fear of Better Options). We might think that in the surrounding abundance of options, there must be a "perfect" one – the perfect vacation spot, the perfect smartphone, even the perfect dating partner. And this feeling can make it very difficult for us to choose, instill doubt, and make us postpone the decision again and again. To avoid being disappointed in their own choice, many prefer not to choose at all.

Although the fear of missing out or making the wrong choice are natural reactions of the human psyche to the modern information environment, it is very important to track those manifestations that interfere with your life.

You might be susceptible to the Fear of Missing Out and the fear of making the wrong choice if:

• you automatically start scrolling through social media and news feeds at any opportunity, even in the middle of communicating with people or at work;
• you are panic-stricken at the thought of being without a connection – what if you miss a message or a call;
• you constantly compare yourself to others, believing that everyone around you lives more successfully, brightly, and interestingly than you;
• you are unable to enjoy the moment due to the feeling that "the grass is always greener where you are not";
• you agree to offers not because they interest you, but just "not to miss the opportunity";
• you regularly make unplanned purchases if an item is on sale, on promotion, from a limited collection, etc.;
• you often have difficulty choosing due to the fear of not choosing the best option.

If such uncontrollable actions interfere with your life, it is worth consulting a psychologist who can help you reconsider your priorities, develop mindfulness, and learn to set goals and plan your time. But you can also do a lot on your own.

To combat the Fear of Missing Out and the fear of making the wrong choice:

• Acknowledge that you have limitations – no one can manage to do absolutely everything or realize all opportunities.
• Define your values and priorities – think about what is most important to you, what brings you happiness? Focus on that, not on all the other opportunities you think you are "missing out on."
• Don't let others impose things on you, don't be afraid to say "no." When you are offered something or invited somewhere – dismiss the thought "if I don't agree, I'll miss the opportunity." Instead, think about whether you really need it, whether you want it, what feelings it will bring? Do you have the resources for it – time, money, energy? If an evening with a book is dearer to you than a noisy party – don't think you're losing something by staying home.
• Track marketing techniques – ask yourself: would you buy this item if it weren't for the "last one!" or "two for the price of one"? Don't be afraid to postpone the decision, to find and compare options. Just don't do it endlessly; choose what is "good enough" for you, don't look for a mythical "best option."
• Set realistic short-term goals for yourself so that real, useful busyness displaces the illusory "involvement in everything at once."
• Plan your time to use it effectively on activities and tasks that bring you real benefit, satisfaction, and joy.
• Stop comparing yourself to others. Notice when you envy someone and get upset; perhaps this is your "point of growth," something you would like to achieve, something you can invest your resources in. Just remember that everyone has their own opportunities and difficulties, needs and joys. You have your own, unique life path.
• Appreciate the good things in your life. To not miss daily joys – practice mindfulness skills, focusing on what surrounds you, on your sensations in the moment. And to boost positive thinking, it's useful, for example, to write down three things you are grateful for at the end of each day.
• Limit the time spent on social media and news feeds that overload us with information and provoke anxiety. Ideally, give yourself a "digital detox" from time to time at a dacha or a camp to reboot and distract from the "online routine."
• Manage information flows. Choose two or three trusted information sources for yourself and don't waste time on those who like to blow up empty sensations. Furthermore, the world won't turn upside down if you check the news once a day instead of once an hour. And you don't need to be aware of the lives of all your acquaintances – your best friends and family are enough. Limit information about the lives of people who cause you envy or provoke anxiety, turn off unnecessary notifications, unsubscribe from unnecessary mailing lists and public pages, and the tension may noticeably decrease.
• Use critical thinking. Remember that there are plenty of information manipulators on the internet, sales and promotions are designed to benefit not you but the sellers, and glossy pictures on social media usually greatly embellish the truth of life.
• Make your life fulfilling – find new interests and hobbies where you can realize your strengths and achieve something. Communicate more and better with people dear to you and like-minded individuals who understand, inspire, and support you. And just rest more often, enjoying the moment. This will help you feel more satisfied with life and its joys.

Remember that you don't have to be aware of everything in the world. You will definitely learn about the most important things, and momentary trifles are often not worth your attention at all. Build your life at your own pace, taking care of your needs, priorities, and goals, making conscious choices in your own interests. This will allow you to find inner peace and freedom from the fear of missing out.