Why Children Lie and What Parents Should Do – Psychologist Explains

There’s hardly a person in the world who has never lied once in their life. By consciously distorting the truth or omitting something, we usually don’t aim to harm anyone. More often, we do it to protect ourselves from trouble or shield someone’s feelings, or to gain favor. Children act the same way. By age three, as they begin separating from parents, kids realize that mom and dad don’t know everything and can choose what to tell them. Moreover, a child’s lie doesn’t mean they’re “bad,” spoiled, or mean. Like adults, they have their own reasons for it.

So Why Do Children Lie?

• Children fear humiliation, punishment for misdeeds and mistakes. If honest admission of guilt repeatedly leads to harsh punishment, insults, and threats, the child may start lying systematically to avoid trouble. Kids also don’t want important adults they depend on to be disappointed in them. “Mom will cry” can be as scary for a child as “Dad will get the belt.”
• Children love to fantasize, their rich imagination prompts them to embellish reality. “My toys come alive” isn’t a lie but a fairy tale, meaning the line between truth and fiction is blurred in preschoolers’ minds. Through fantasizing and play, children develop and explore the world.
• Children crave attention and praise. If mom and dad are always busy, the child might invent adventures, achievements, or even misdeeds—just to be the center of parental attention, to surprise or spark interest. For example, faking “Mom, I feel bad!” if the child notices mom fusses only when they’re sick.
• Children need self-affirmation, so they might lie to avoid awkwardness or preserve dignity—“We just didn’t cover what was on the test!” Kids also want to fit in, not seem worse than others, leading to lies like “They’ll buy me the newest iPhone” or “My uncle’s a millionaire.”
• Children lie imitating adults and peers, learning by observing those around them. If parents lie over trivial things because it’s easier or constantly break promises, the child sees lying as normal behavior.

Children may also deceive to protect loved ones or cover for those dear to them, as lying is sometimes their only way to influence a situation. This leads to lying for gain—if a desired gift won’t come otherwise, they might lie. Sometimes it’s revenge for parental misunderstanding or shielding their inner world. Teens especially do this, seeking independence and guarding their privacy—who they’re with, where, what they think, who they like.

In other words, for children, lying is mostly a way to protect themselves, adapt, avoid pain and problems, or get attention.

What Should Parents’ Reaction Be If They Catch a Child Lying, Especially If It’s Become Habitual?

Parents’ first instincts are likely anxiety, hurt, and anger—wanting to accuse, reproach, trap, and punish. “I know you lied to me! Confess!”, “How could you! We trusted you!” But consider how you’d feel if accused like that? You’d probably defend yourself fiercely and hide the truth even better next time, lying more skillfully and subtly. So, to prevent the child from hiding things or lying defensively, act wisely.

• Try to stay composed. Even if furious, don’t confront immediately. Never yell at the child in front of others or mock them publicly. This is a private, important talk. Avoid labeling them a liar: “You always lie!”, “Deceiver!” It could convince a sensitive child they’re a pathological liar, fulfilling expectations. When catching the lie, pause—count to 100—and talk calmly, without raising your voice.
• Ensure the talk isn’t an interrogation. Ask about reasons gently, without accusations or pressure. “Why did you lie? Were you scared or unsure what to do?” Listen without interrupting, then suggest alternatives: “Let’s think how you could’ve handled it,” “Let’s figure out how to make truth-telling safe next time.” The child may realize lying was wrong after an open talk.
• Encourage honesty, foster trust and openness at home. Show mistakes can be discussed and honesty softens consequences. Praise bravery in confessing, even if late: “Thanks for telling me—that was right and courageous. Your trust matters.” Teach timely admission eases fixes. Often say: “I’ll always listen,” “I prefer hard truth,” “Our trust matters more than punishment,” “We’ll handle anything together.”
• Jointly find ways to fix the situation, especially if the lie worsened it. Help the child see everyone errs, and fixes are possible. For serious misdeeds like damaging or stealing, start with support: “We’ll fix it together. How?” Focus on repair, not just punishment—e.g., help fix the item, work it off, compensate from pocket money, apologize personally. This teaches fixing mistakes, not hiding them.
• Explain why honesty matters. Discuss trust between people—how it builds slowly, breaks easily with lies, and is hard to restore. Use fables, fairy tales, or your childhood stories. Teach understanding feelings, empathy, emotional intelligence.
• Set a good example. Don’t lie to or near the child, even trivially. Never involve them: “Tell grandma I’m asleep,” “Order pizza but say we baked it,” “Tell mom it’s tasty even if the soup’s awful.” Such examples infect and harm young minds. Prove honesty, promise-keeping, and owning mistakes by actions.

If a child lies about everything, consider what need it fulfills. Do they get enough attention? Feel understood and loved? Know they’ll be supported no matter what? Are you pressuring with expectations or comparisons, pushing them to exaggerate? Are family conflicts affecting them? Like canaries in mines, kids’ lying often signals family atmosphere issues.

Talk openly about their feelings, fears, problems. Don’t hesitate to adjust parenting—criticize less, trust and praise more, converse sincerely. Adults too must own mistakes.

If you can’t resolve why lying persists, consult a family or child psychologist. They’ll help the child with insecurity or issues and you with communication and rebuilding trust.

Always remember: a child is a separate, forming personality needing attention, love, care, good examples. Before blaming or punishing for lying, recall they hurt too—listen, show understanding and support to strengthen mutual trust. A home of open talks and acceptance helps raise an honest, open person skilled at sincere relations and overcoming challenges.